What I Watched in February 2024

I wanted to like ARGYLLE (2024). Indeed, I held out hope for it to work for more than two thirds of the running time. But there came a point when I had to accept the sad fact that it was simply not going to work. The movie has a promising opening where it seemed like it might be an interesting variation on the old idea of a clueless writer being fed information about real world events and incorporating it into her fiction. But the slow introduction of the hidden reality behind the titular master spy never finds a tone that allowed me to take the action scenes seriously. An army of bad guys get mown down without making things feel dangerous in any way while the mystery at the heart of the story never feels important. It doesn’t help that the script structures its reveals in a way that undermines information we have had before until I could no longer trust what we were being shown at any time. This pushed me into a detached viewing mode that further destroyed any chance of caring about the events onscreen. Which is a shame, as the cast is working hard to sell this mess! In fact, the only casting problem is Bryce Dallas Howard as the main character who gives the weakest performance. I don’t think this is all her fault as her character is the one whose reality is the most fluid throughout the story so it must have been nearly impossible to find firm ground from which to act. We can never trust that what she believes at any moment is going to matter – at all. There are so many resets for her character that by the end I was still waiting for another ‘clever’ reveal that everything we know about her wasn’t the truth. And I think it actually happens right before the credits roll. Damn, they blew this one!

ARGYLLE (2024) is a colorful piece of action fluff that promised dark, violent thrills along the lines of director Matthew Vaughn’s earlier KINGSMEN films but it lacks the narrative strengths of those (often silly) movies and becomes the equivalent of watching someone else play a video game. While the rules of the game keep changing. Its flashy enough but unfortunately also completely uninvolving. I was glad when it finally ended. 

The List

CONAN THE DESTROYER (1984) – 7 (rewatch on Blu – better than I remembered)

TOO SCARED TO SCREAM (1984) – 6 (Mannix vs mad killer)

ARGYLL (2024) – 5 (it just doesn’t work)

SUITABLE FLESH (2023) – 8 (unexpected and well-made Lovecraft adaptation)

23 PACES TO BAKER STREET (1956) – 7 (excellent thriller)

SUPERARGO VS DIABOLICUS (1966) – 5 (rewatch)

BOSTON BLACKIE GOES HOLLYWOOD (1942) – 6

SUPERARGO AND THE FACELESS GIANTS (1968) – 7

COLD LIGHT OF DAY (1989) – 5 (low budget British serial killer tale)

WEREWOLF VS THE VAMPIRE WOMAN (1971) – 8 (rewatch on Blu-Ray!)

THE DEVIL’S LOVER (1972) – 6 (Rosalba Neri lights up the screen)

STAR TREK IV: THE VOYAGE HOME (1986) – 8 (rewatch)

THE DESERT HAWK (1950) – 6 (fun Arabian adventure)

FOOTSTEPS IN THE FOG (1955) – 8 (rewatch)

MY BLOODY VALENTINE (1981) – 8 (rewatch on Blu)

MY BLOODY VALENTINE (2009) – 7 (rewatch on Blu)

BEWARE THE BLOB! (1972) – 3 (what a mess)

MADAM WEB (2024) – 5 (if the lead actress had given a shit it could have been better)

THE ANGRY BLACK GIRL AND HER MONSTER (2023) – 7 (interesting Frankenstein variant) 

HORRORS OF THE BLACK MUSEUM (1959) – 7 (rewatch on Blu)

PARASITE (1982) – 5 (Charles Band post-apocalyptic creature feature isn’t awful)

INVADERS FROM MARS (1953) – 7 (rewatch on Blu)