Trailers From Hell- TALES OF TERROR (1962)

This anthology is so much fun and here is Corman talking a little about the three stories they adapted from Poe.

SCREAMS OF A WINTER NIGHT (1979)

Because of the wonderful internet age in which we live it is possible to see almost (but not quite) any movie we want to see. This is great for a movie nut such as myself and adds immeasurably to the list of films I want to eventually sit down and watch. In my hunt for the odder pieces of genre cinema available via the ‘special antenna’  I occasionally stumble across things that look like they might be hidden gems – who knows if that print of the ultra-rare GRIZZLY 2 is going to be worth my time? – but often these movies turn out to be at best passable time wasters and at worst they are boring trudges through the bowels of low budget incompetence. Sometimes a movies falls somewhere in-between.

When I stumbled across SCREAMS OF A WINTER’S NIGHT (1979) I had high hopes that this obscure small budget horror effort from Louisiana might be good creepy fun. It had a few positive reviews and a friend mentioned hearing that it was a good scary movie from someone else. This third person recommendation came from back when these kind of movies turned up on late night television. The print I have access to is a rip from the VHS release which is the only way it has ever been made available. The image is a little too dark for a film that takes place mostly at night and in under lit interiors but it was watchable. The strangest thing about the film for the first hour is that the opening credits play out with bits of frantic dialog layered underneath. This gets to be concerning because there is a long delay between the individual credits and you start to think that the story has started but the picture is black! Luckily this is a creative choice and not a screw up but it gets things off to a rocky start.

The plot is nothing you haven’t seen before- a group of college friends venture out into the country for a long weekend to stay in a cabin in the woods. See- the setup is so obvious that it’s become well known enough to be the title of a recent horror film. These friends are a broad cross-section of (poorly sketched) easily identifiable types and the actors are mostly too old to be playing kids in their late teens or early twenties. While huddled together in the cabin’s living room the friends begin talking about old myths of the surrounding area and relating scary stories they have heard. The first of these is a classic old urban legend that I won’t spoil for the cinematically curious but it was nice to see this chestnut played out onscreen even if the image IS too dark for maximum fun. After that one the stories become a bit less obvious but still retain a neat ‘told around the campfire’ feel.

I can't claim that this little movie is great or even very good but it has a certain charm and I can easily understand how someone coming across it on TV one night would get ninety minutes of enjoyment. It's a not very wonderful but interesting example of regional filmmaking back when that meant something more than trying to imitate a blockbuster hit. It's uneven, a little silly, a bit cheesy and it only cranks into gear in the final twenty minutes or so. I don't think I can recommend it except for horror nuts like myself but if this write-up intrigues you then dive in. The movie certainly ends strongly after a fairly weak first hour but most folks will find this too long to wait for the thrills to kick in. I would love to see this get cleaned up and released to DVD in the hopes that the darkest scenes would be clearer. 

Universal's Invisible Man Movie (and its sequels) Poster Art

I have always thought of the Mummy as the most neglected and derided of the classic Universal monsters but it has been pointed out that actually that crown belongs to the Invisible Man. I wonder why? No recurring actor? No continuing storyline? The descent into silliness? I enjoy the original and its four sequels but I don't find myself wanting to revisit them very often. 

Creepy Simpsons Art

These are a couple of pieces interpreting Springfield in an artistic but dark style. Nice.  

What I Watched In October

The 90’s were a terrible period of time for originality in film and the standout evidence to prove that point should be the number of TV series that were dragged squealing onto the big screen. I am of the general opinion that attempting to turn an older television show into a movie is a bad idea. I can’t think of many that were either impressive artistically or even very commercially successful even if the Brady Bunch films and the Maverick redux were considered hits. I couldn’t make through ten minutes of the Brady Bunch crap and although MAVERICK (1994) was passable it felt more like a typical Mel Gibson film of the 1990’s than a real reworking of the classic series. So why did I go to the theater to see a big screen adaptation of the solid 1980’s action show The Equalizer? Two things – the reteaming of director and star from the sharp and harsh TRAINING DAY (2001) and the fact that Denzel Washington is actually a fine choice for this type of character. Yes, I might still prefer the clipped accent and more austere bearing of Edward Woodward as Robert McCall but Washington brings his own kind of gravitas to the role that works quite well.

THE EQUALIZER plays as a kind of origin story for the job McCall eventually designs for himself in the world. He is a retired, widowed secret agent with the desire to live a simple, spare and quiet life working a menial job. As we get to know him we see that he is a very good man who goes out of his way to help co-workers with both positive words and encouraging actions but it also seems that he is a man just biding his time until his own death. He doesn’t seem to want to hasten his own passing but it’s clear he will welcome the chance to be with his wife again in her heaven. During his insomniac nights spent drinking tea in a diner McCall strikes up a friendship with young Russian prostitute and when she runs afoul of her pimp/owner he can’t stop himself from getting involved. After this initial confrontation things spiral out of control and McCall’s life and the lives of his co-workers are in danger.

This is the are modern action movie that takes the time to let you get to know the main character and his life before the violence starts. Because of this the film is engrossing and meditative in ways that I found exciting  - maybe even more exciting than the scenes of hand to hand combat. Not that the fight scenes are bad- they are very well done and thrilling in their energy. But the characters both good and bad are the real draw in THE EQUALIZER and that is nice to be able to say.

GONE GIRL is David Fincher's latest offering and in many ways this is his most satisfying film ZODIAC (2007). Adapted from a novel with a script by the novelist the movie is both the perfect Fincher film and a completely impressive example of paring a book down to the screen. This is the first movie in years that I have seen that has an ending that is both final and open ended in a way that causes dread and sorrow. This is a tale about the traps we set for ourselves and the nasty extremes to which we will go to escape those traps. No one comes out of this story looking good or kind because we are shown over time their every dark thought and dishonest motivation Even good actions often have bad consequences and resentments can fester over time to make the most unthinkable possible. I won't spoil the many surprises for those that have managed to avoid learning too much but suffice to say that this one of the best movies I've seen all year. 

THE EQUALIZER (2014) - 8 (excellent character driven action tale)

HIGH MOON (2014) - 7 (fun, Sci-Fi TV movie pilot for a failed series)

GONE GIRL (2014) - 9 (excellent)

THE RIFT (1989) - 3 (terrible with only a bloody mid-section making it tolerable)

THE LIVING DEAD AT MANCHESTER MORGUE (1974) - 8 (rewatch)

THE GRUDGE 3 (2009) - 6

THE FOG (1980 )- 9 (rewatch)

BODY PUZZLE (1992) - 6 (Lamberto Bava thriller/horror) (rewatch)

SEE NO EVIL (2006) - 3 (terrible attempt at horror)

NIGHT OF DARK SHADOWS (1971) - 7

JACK THE REAPER (2011 )- 2 (amazingly bad low budget horror tale)

THE SUBSTITUTE (2007) - 7

OCULUS (2013) - 8 (rewatch)

JU-REI (2004)- 5 (slow moving Japanese ghost story)

THE MUMMY'S CURSE (1944) - 6 (rewatch)

SHADOW PEOPLE (2012) - 7 (interesting combination of fact and fiction)

THE SMILING GHOST (1941)- 6 (rewatch)

THE CREATURE WALKS AMOUNG US (1956)- 7 (rewatch)

THE AMAZING TRANSPARENT MAN (1960)- 3 (rewatch)

THE FALL OF THE HOUSE OF USHER (1960)- 8 (Rewatch)

SCHIZOID (1980)- 6 (interesting slasher)

THE WHIP AND THE BODY (1963)- 8 (rewatch)

THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA (1989) - 4

TALES OF TERROR (1962) - 8 (rewatch)

DEADLY EYES (1982)- 4 (pretty terrible giant rat movie) 

Karloff's Guacamole!

Often, during the month of October, strange monster related things will be coughed up by the internet. Usually this means another "The Ten Best Horror Whatevers" list produced with little thought or genre knowledge as Halloween time click-bait for a website. But occasionally something worthy of attention shows up. This is one of those rare occasions. I present to you- Boris Karloff's recipe for guacamole!

See! I told you this was worth seeing! Who knew Karloff was such a fan of Mexican food? He and I were clearly brothers under the skin. Cause I love mexican food too. See? Yeah! 

Seriously though- this is weird. 

PHANTOM OF THE OPERA (1989)

Because it was October and I love horror movies I finally caught up with this version of the classic tale via NetFlix. I had shunned it for the past twenty five years out of fear it would be a barely gussied up slasher and I was right. While it IS a little more than what I thought it might be, overall it is a sad reduction of the original story that turns the plot into a simple stalk and slash effort of irritating silliness. Strangely, as I was watching it unfold and deteriorate I realized that this approach wasn't actually the problem - the story COULD be boiled down to the components of a typical slasher and still work very well. But the things that trip this film up are two bad choices linked to the audience the producers were aiming to target.

First problem - over the top gore. I have no problem with some well done blood & guts flung across the screen but almost every time its used here its so exaggerated in its extremity that it becomes ridiculous. The filmmakers sling fake blood around the sets like they got a deal at the special effects house. Sometimes more is less.

Second problem- they decided to have their Phantom be both superhumanly strong and able to teleport around his victims. This is the saddest of all slasher movies tropes best seen in all its idiotic glory in FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 8. This is when the villain can magically be dozens of yards from where they were mere seconds before with just the use of a (not so) clever edit. To give this movie credit, the teleportation scenes are done with an identically dressed stand in for star Robert Englund but it is still a ludicrous thing to pull. It yanks me right out of the film and reminds me that the movie isn't really interested in making me invested in the story - it only wants to shock me. Ho hum.

It's sad to see this film fall short when there is evidence of so much effort onscreen. The sets and costumes are very good even if the clothing suffers from that Hollywood problem of being a little to fresh to be believed as everyday wear for these characters. The cinematography is gorgeous, the script isn't bad and most of the cast is solid (the lead actress is a bit wooden) but the slasher ideas end up overwhelming the film and dragging it down.