Saturday, August 22, 2009

Me & Jabba

I can't remember the first time I met Jabba. He was always a cheerful addition to any gathering and I'm sure he was around long before I ever really got to know him. By the time he and I had struck up a friendship over our shared interests of scantily clad slave girls and cruel revenge I felt like we were brothers under the skin. He's helped me through some hard times and I like to think I've helped him through some as well. He's always been willing to send out his minions to rectify bad situations or settle old (sometimes forgotten) scores. Jabba's kind heart often makes him seem like a big ol' softy especially when he does things to make his friends lives easier. Hell! I once complained too loudly about the crappy service in a particular restaurant and the next day it was a pile of rubble. Good times, good times!

I know that among the public at large there are mixed feeling about Jabba. Most folks love the Pod Races he sponsors, the gambling halls he maintains and the dancing girls he has trained for display. But Jabba has always been more than just a savvy business creature and a patron of the arts. Those few who are close to him know of his wonderful sense of humor and openness to hiring anyone regardless of race, creed, religion, ethnic background, planet of origin or capacity for honesty. He's really a sweet guy.

Lately he and I have been talking a little about advancing age and the 'middle age spread'. Jabba feels as if he's starting to put on a bit too much weight even for a Hutt and no matter what I say to the contrary he won't stop worrying. So I made a deal with him. We've decided to become weight loss partners! We're going to see who can lose 100 pounds the fastest and the winner gets to throw their least favorite bounty hunter into the Sarlacc Pit! It's very exciting! Of course, I expect Jabba to win- but it can't hurt to drop some of my excess fat. I don't need it all!

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