A group of archaeologists on a mysterious planet are
investigating some kind of ancient ruins. They discover a secret underground
chamber in which one of the crew is attacked by a strange but barely seen
creature. This fellow later runs amok leaving the safety of the group’s
cave-built compound until he’s finally subdued violently. Crystal rock samples
taken from the secret chamber puzzle the group’s chemist so the next day he and
Sandy (Judy Geeson) go outside to retrieve some more rock samples. As they are
leaving the dig Mitch the chemist is ripped apart by the mysterious creature
and
Sandy has
an unfortunate encounter with the beastie, which leaves her pregnant and
deranged. The movie then slides into slasher territory as the rest of the crew
fall victim to
Sandy’s
homicidal madness, leaving only a couple of people behind to see what she gives
birth to.
Slightly daft, sloppily written and (for the most part) acted as if the
paychecks were late
INSEMINOID a.k.a. HORROR PLANET (1981) is one of the worst
pieces of science fiction/horror trash I’ve ever seen. Less a story than an
idea thrown up onto the screen it at least has the virtue of aiming low. Very
low. A small budget rip off of ALIEN the film takes the sub-textual concept of
horrid creatures raping humans to implant their seed and places it front and
center. In a better film this nastiness would be a plus but here it just barely
keeps things moving along. Luckily ample amounts of bloody violence is
scattered around to keep things interesting.
I’m sure there was a script (i.e. pieces of paper with dialog and scene
direction typed on them) but they might have made the same film if the cast
& crew merely huddled each day and said “What sequence can we cobble
together today?” The characters are cardboard cut-outs, the dialog is banal
when its not being idiotic and the sets are dull. Some of my favorite moments
are when a line of dialog comes out of nowhere to make some point that feels
plot related. This is a hallmark of bad scripts and in science fiction these
bits of technobabble usually stand out beautifully. So when Mitch the chemist
proclaims that the strange crystals ‘seem to have some kind of chemical
intelligence’ you’re stunned by the non-sequiter craziness, but you just know
that it provides a clue to defeating the nasty evil thing that shows up later.
Except in this damned film you’d be wrong to think that! This silly-ass line
has nothing to do with anything that happens later! Nothing! I’m not sure if
this is genius slight-of-hand writing or plain ineptitude.
The cast is a mixed bag of slumming pros (most of the women) and folks that
really needed some acting lessons (pretty much all the men). It’s fun in a sick
way to watch some good actors flail away with this material. Geeson does as
good a job as could honestly be expected I think. She musters up some
believable homicidal rage when dispatching the rest of the cast and her banshee
screams during the birthing scene are unnerving. As a plus you get to see the
lovely Victoria Tennant stabbed to death with scissors- surely a first in
cinema.
Now, to step back for a moment I must give the movie some praise. The film is
well shot with the opening scenes colorfully showing the alien planet’s
landscape. This generates some nice, creepy atmosphere that the rest of the
movie’s claustrophobic cave sets slowly dissipate. The direction, while never
outstanding is capable, moving the story along at a nice clip and hiding some
of the sloppier moments. Before the film sinks to its eventual sad level I felt
a measure of hope in the bustling activity of the little group of
archeologists. But when the killing started the terribly choreographed fight
sequences finished off my willing suspension of disbelief. I do give the film
points for the overly gory murders but the effects are hit or miss with at
least one death scene descending into unintended humor.
I picked this film up as part of the Norman J. Warren Collection. This is a 5
DVD set from
Anchor Bay UK. I’d not seen any of the 4 films
represented here and thought I’d start with INSEMINOID as it was highest budget
feature the director ever made. If this movie is any indicator I’ve got my work
cut out for me. Strangely, I find myself wanting to watch this sucker again,
perhaps with the director’s commentary track. Norman J. Warren film experts
being fairly thin on the ground maybe I could become one by delving deeply into
his other films. Who knows?
